Sunday, January 7, 2007

E = AFC²

Tony Dungy and Herm Edwards, head coaches of the Indianapolis Colts and Kansas City Chiefs, respectively, have been the best of friends for more than thirty years, when they played against each other in several college bowl games. After their NFL playing careers, Edwards served for five years as Dungy's assistant head coach with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Each man's lengthy football career is well documented in the record books, the media, and the public eye.

Or is it?

Am I the only person on Earth who's realized that Tony Dungy and Herm Edwards...are the same guy? I mean...look:

Quantum mechanics predicts that subatomic particles can be in two places at once. Although neither Tony Dungy nor Herm Edwards qualify under current NFL regulations as subatomic particles, scientists understand so little about this bizarre possibility that they cannot rule out Dungy and Edwards possessing the ability to act like photons.

If all of this scientific jargon is too confusing, look again at the bewildering similarity of these "two" men:

They even point the same.

I realize my assertion is hard to fathom in the wake of Dungy's Colts and Edwards' Chiefs squaring off in yesterday afternoon's AFC Wild Card game, during which each man was clearly visible on his own sideline (and can even be seen before yesterday's opening kickoff, above, possibly forming with their arms an Einstein-Rosen bridge—what we generally know as a "wormhole" in the space-time continuum—which would explain a lot). Certainly, much more work needs to be done in the field of theoretical physics if we ever hope to understand the phenomenon of a single NFL coach piloting two different teams at the same time.

Some say the NFL should keep its nose out of the atom—and maybe they're right. So if the strange potential of quantum mechanics isn't the culprit, then this Dungy-Edwards matter is being done with mirrors, and we're all victims of the greatest illusionist since Houdini.

Why have Terry, Howie, Jimmy, and J.B. not uttered a word about this during the halftime report?

(All photos copyright Associated Press.)


Pat said...

A hybrid I call "Hermony Dungewards".

Randy said...

The Chiefs victory in Super Bowl IV is probably the least well known championship in Super Bowl history. Even some Kansas City residents remain unaware that their team won it all in 1970. In fact, the championship banner that hangs in Arrowhead Stadium reads,