Monday, March 18, 2013

Move Over, Grover...and Let Morgan Take Over

Grover Cleveland is well known as the only Chief Executive to serve non-consecutive terms, which he did as the 22nd president, from 1885 to 1889, and the 24th president, from 1893 to 1897.

Now, hes got company...

In the first real blockbuster of 2013, Olympus Has Fallen, Morgan Freeman portrays Speaker of the House Allen Trumbull. When President Asher is taken hostage by North Korean terrorists and held in the bunker of the White House, Trumbull assumes the role of Acting President of the United States.*

* I do not know what happened to the Vice President that he was stepped over in the chain of succession, because I have not seen the filmalthough I hear the popcorn is subpar.

Freeman previously portrayed President Tom Beck in 1998s Deep Impact.

Okay, as implied by the Twenty-fifth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution and set in precedence several times since its ratification, Morgan Freeman’s term as Acting President is not recognized as a formal, numbered presidency—as were, of course, Grover Cleveland’s non-consecutive terms—but as far as the martini-clouded judgment of Mount Drinkmore is concerned, it’s legit enough for this post.

Thus having irrefutably—straight up with one olive—established Morgan Freeman’s non-consecutive presidencies...

Sure, thanks to his presidencies being fictitious, Morgan Freeman never got bogged down in such cinematically mundane crises as tariff issues, economic panics, and thorny questions of colonial annexation—as did Grover Cleveland—but Freeman still was under tremendous pressure to remember his lines, do promotional press junkets for the movie, and keep himself from becoming obese and bushily mustachioed.

Yet Morgan Freemans remarkable, on-screen political achievements dont end there: As Speaker of the House Trumbull fifteen years after he was President Beck, Freeman joins John Quincy Adams as the only former presidents to serve as members of the House of Representatives, which Quincy Adams did from 1831 to 1848.

A further link between the two men is that Morgan Freeman portrayed the freed slave, Theodore Joadson, in the film Amistad, which, in part, retells John Quincy Adams successful 1841 defense of the mutinous slaves aboard the Amistad. (Even further, Morgan Freemans surname, itself, echoes Quincy Adams work as an abolitionist.)

Yes, Morgan Freeman has proved himself a titan of celluloid American politics. And still at the top of his game as a busy Hollywood actor, the 76-year-old Freeman has time and opportunity to become the only former president to serve in both houses of Congress, or perhaps even serve an unprecedented third non-consecutive term as Commander-in-Chiefa landmark achievement of which Freemans agent will hopefully possess enough savvy to be aware.

(Image of Deep Impact copyright DreamWorks Pictures; image of Olympus Has Fallen copyright Millennium Films.)

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Might As Well Jump...For Your Country

I was thinking that the official division march for the 82nd Airborne should be Van Halen's "Jump." I mean, what better song to inspire and encapsulate the proud history of the U.S. Army's initial airborne division? Let's face it: the division's current march, "The All-American Soldier," hardly does justice to these paratroopers' specialized training.

And, the 82nd being the "All-American Division," their uniforms should match that of David Lee Roth. As you can see, like Roth, they'd be donning "All-American" colors, thus paying proper homage to divisional tradition. This design would even make for ideal shoulder insignia to replace that rather obvious and mundane "AA" patch they've been wearing since World War II.

Not to mention, an even smaller version of little David Lee would double as perfect jump wings.


And if I can't get the 82nd to bite, then I can always suggest an insignia of Don Henley in mid-shriek for the 101st Airborne Screaming Eagles...

Ten Years Gone

So maybe it hasn't been ten years, but it's certainly been awhile. However, I figured it was time to revisit the mountain. What have I learned in this time? Well, there is more than one way to fry an egg. There are several ways, actually. Some are strange and confusing to me. "Eggs Benedict"? What the hell is that? Let's stick to the basics, people. Eggs are very simple; they don't need fancy names. I find this whole subject offensive, frankly, and do not appreciate you bringing it up. Good day to you, sir.