Friday, December 15, 2006

Nevermind the McSweeney's, Here's Another List

A List of Rejected Book Titles, Some of Which Contain Colons

Australopithecus and Other Words I Find Difficult to Pronounce

The Government Might Be Wrong on a Few Issues

Trout Fishing in the Sahara: How I've Wasted My Life

Chopsticks and Knit Socks: One Man's Pursuit of Sasquatch Across Rhode Island

Don't Bother: The Plot to Assassinate William Henry Harrison

Pork Roll on White Bread with Mayo at 3AM: The Helen Keller Diaries

Kiss Me Like You Mean It: The True Story of the Exxon Valdez

Who's Lying Now?: Oliver North And The Greatest Nap Ever Taken

Hail to the Cheese: Choice Cheeses Loved By US Presidents

Raising Puppies in a Pup Tent: How To Maximize Your Cuteness Dividends

Thunder From the North: Viking Influence on Aboriginal Australia

The Worstest Generation (with Foreword by Leif Garrett)

Murdertown: America's Eighth Deadliest City

CHASMS!: Famous Mounds

Constitution and Chocolate Chip Mint: The Amazing Madisons

Faking Your Own Death: Get In On America's Latest Fad

Mahogany Pigeon: The Story of the Spruce Goose

Napoleon Bonappetit: War as a Culinary Necessity

Say It, Don't Spray It!: The Life of Jimmy Stewart

Won Ton Ton: The Dog That Forged the NFL-AFL Merger

Big Pizza Pie Hit His Eye: Dean Martin's Tomato Sauce Induced Eye Twitching And What You Can Do To Not Be The Next Victim

Fly Me to the Moon: Frank Sinatra's Secret NASA Tryout

Hard to Read: Encrypted Stories You May or May Not Enjoy

If I had a Hamner: The Incredible Story of Granny Hamner and the 1950 Whiz Kids' Meaningless Split-Squad Games in the Preseason

Cash In Big On The Black Market!: A Quick Guide To What Organs You Probably Don't Need

Triassic Park: When Giant Plants Roamed the Earth

It's All Greek to Me: Adding Shopping Cart Wheels to a Coffin

Toga! Toga! Toga! Greece's Role in the Attack on Pearl Harbor

Shhh!: Arimincus and His Graceful Leading By Example Inside the Trojan Horse; Or, The Quietest Soldiers in The History of Mankind

I'm So Cold and Hungry: Paris on Ten Dollars a Day

Quit Your Stalin: Terrible Leader, Terrible Car Troubles

Genghiz Cohen: Meshuggenuh Mongol

Things Ferment: What Not To Add To Your Bath

Surfragette City: When Surfers Finally Got the Vote

"I Thought It Was a Candle": What Dynamite Looks Like

Dark Times: Life in the Age Before Thumbtacks

I Never Promised You a Weed Free Garden: Green Thumb Fraud

I Like Dike: How Holland Claimed Itself From the Sea

Chinless: On Not Being Chinese In Trinidad

Old Man Fjord: Sea Chanties of Norway

Beanie Babies: Obsession and Murder in Suburbia

Chad: The African Country Named After a White Guy

I've Had Your Wife: The Man Who Has Slept With Every Woman On Earth and, Surprise!-- He Was Born Without Feet

Tin Canada: A Steamy, Lusty Look at Canada's Mining History

See You In 55 Days!: Perhaps It's Time To Revisit the Idea of Taking a Rowboat to Europe

EEEEEE E. EEEEEEE: An Everyday Man's Life in the Land Which Banned 25 Letters of the Alphabet

Howdy, Saudi: The Texas-Mideast Oil Trade and How It Affects You (Yes, You!)

Creatine A Monster: Mark McGwire and His Post-Baseball Insatiable Thirst for Living Flesh

Can Conjoined Twins Run for President and Other Constitutional Conundrums

They Grow 'Em Big in Texas: A Walking Tour of the Pacific Ocean

Waiting for Godzilla: Existentialism in Low-Budget Japanese Monster Flicks

Raising Arizona: What If We Put Arizona on a Platform?

Alas, Alaska: Why Alaskan Girls' Love Is Always Unrequited

Smilla's Sense of Shellfish

Smilance of the Lambs: Don't Let Your Sheep Graze in Poppy Fields

Every Little Thing Bing Does Is Magic: Sting on Bing (ghost-written by The Addams' Family's Thing)

Mookie Blaylock and the Moog Organ: Sound Strange? It Sure Does

The J-23 Noskoyev-Ilushykin Dog Sled: Cadillac of the Siberian Tundra

Tommy Tune: A Big, Fat Loudmouth

Dad, Can I Have the Dirigible?: What If the Airship Had Caught On?

Devil With a Blue Dress: A Look at Cross-Dressing in the Underworld

Mount Drinkmore, © 2006

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