Showing posts with label oddities. Show all posts
Showing posts with label oddities. Show all posts

Saturday, July 26, 2014

This Guy's Got a Little Too Much Nike on the Psyche

These photos have recently made the rounds on reddit.com. I know nothing of their source nor the reason for the drivers unorthodox technique.

My guess is that hes constantly saying embarrassingly asinine things.

Or perhaps hes suffering from a particularly virulent case of Aphthae epizooticae.

If the former, we can only hope that this man is en route to sensitivity training; if the latter, that hes on his way to a top-notch veterinarian.



Then again, I suppose this could be a pre-2005 photo of him placing a call on his mobile to Don Adams. (Laws prohibiting using a phone while driving were not widespread or well-enforced back then...)

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

I Couldn't Have Curbed My Enthusiasm for the Stare-down of the Century (Make That Centuries)

As re-reported yesterday by Mental Floss, two grandsons of John Tyler, 10th President of the United States (1841-1845), are, amazingly, living. Tyler, who became president upon William Henry Harrison’s death one month into his term, was born in 1790. It seems impossible that a man born so far back in American history that, as a boy, he likely wore a tricorn hat and colonial breeches every day of the year rather than only on Halloween could have grandchildren who aren’t themselves long dead. Of course, neither of these grandchildren ever knew President Tyler, who died in 1862, but the fact that three generations of the Tyler family currently span 224 years is mind-boggling.

Tyler, a more randy president than even John F. Kennedy or Bill Clinton, fathered 15 children by two wives. Lyon Gardiner Tyler, his fourth son by his second wife, was born in 1853, when Tyler was 63 years old. (Tyler later begat two more sons, finally zipping up at age 70.)

Lyon Gardiner Tyler, who eventually became President of the College of William and Mary, inherited his father’s aversion to birth control, siring three children with each of his two wives, the latter three conceived when he was in his seventies. Both Lyon Gardiner Tyler, Jr. (born 1925), and Harrison Tyler (born 1928) are still with us, making them living links to an inconceivably remote past.

Mental Floss first broke this incredible story in January 2012—which is a damn shame because it would have fit wonderfully into a Season 2 subplot of Curb Your Enthusiasm, filmed in 2001.

In Episode 15, “The Thong,” Larry David, at the request of Rob Reiner, reluctantly agrees to be the prize in a lunch auction to benefit Groat’s syndrome (which—let’s be clear—has nothing to do with former Pittsburgh Pirate Dick Groat). Larry eventually sits down to lunch with a man named John Tyler (played by Tom McGowan), who paid $4,000 for the honor of sharing a meal with Larry. This John Tyler not only is no relation to the president, but is completely dismissive of sharing his name. Determined to provide John Tyler with an entertaining and affable experience, Larry, grasping for conversational ideas, even serenades his lunch guest with a Marilyn Monroe–esque Happy birthday, Mr. President John Tyler

Now, Tom McGowan played the increasingly annoyed Ordinary John Tyler admirably, and the scene conjures a lot of laughs. However, it might have worked even better had McGowan’s role instead been played by one of John Tyler’s two surviving grandsons (who, at the time of filming, were only in their mid-seventies). Of course, it would have been pointless to have Lyon Gardiner Tyler, Jr., or Harrison Tyler play an unrelated man who happens to possess the name “John Tyler.” But had one of the grandsons played himself, upon Larry’s discovery of his lineage, there’s no way that Larry—a keen student of history both in the show and in real life—would ever have believed that the grandson of an antebellum president could be alive—thus yielding the absolutely ultimate Larry David stare-down as he tries to determine whether the man sitting across from him is telling the truth about being the grandson of the long-deceased President Tyler.

A Larry David stare-down a century and a half in the making—that would have been pretty…pretty…pretty…pretty good.


(Images of Larry David and Tom McGowan copyright HBO.) 

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Creepy Rabbit...Your Tricks Better Not Be for Kids!

In preparing my immediately previous post (“Good at Blocks…But Still a Blockhead?” of September 30), I Google-Imaged “Tetris gif” in hopes of finding a suitable animated GIF of a Tetris game in progress to demonstrate the game’s object. Unfortunately, no such GIF was available through Google Images.

However, I did stumble upon this bizarre and disturbing GIF about three-quarters of the way down the page…


Now, I don’t know the source of this psychotic video clip, nor can I ascertain its meaning. And I sure don’t know what the hell it has to do with Tetris. Some things just defy deconstruction…

Yet I must admit, for all of its creepiness, this GIF borders on dangerously hypnotic. Why is the rabbit in a human bathroom? Why is the rabbit inviting you into the stall? Is it sexual? We don’t even know the rabbit’s gender. Rabbits are well-known for their timidity, so why the change of heart? Is there any sociopolitical or religious meaning behind its invitation? Is there enough paper for both of you? Is this the inevitable backfire of the hated pay-toilet’s demise? (‘Cause, let’s face it, those huge, inflexible paws ain’t manipulating a dime into the slot…)

Too many unanswered—and perhaps unanswerable—questions. Probably best left that way. All I really know is that Tetris is now ruined for me. Whenever I get into a habit of playing Tetris for extended periods, I experience what is called the “Tetris effect,” in that, for many minutes after closing my eyes while awaiting sleep, images of the game unstoppably and maddeningly continue vividly in my mind as if I were still in front of the computer screen.

And now I fear that this awful and completely insane image will exert the same effect on my brain. I urge you, Dear Reader, to move on to another Mount Drinkmore post right now, so that you do not find yourself plagued by the “Creepy Rabbit effect”—which will surely drive you to madness and cause you to pathologically frequent public restrooms for reasons you don’t quite understand…

(For more on the destructive power of rabbits, see the Mount Drinkmore post, “Knowing: The Rabbits Are Coming, Doomsday, Doomsday!” of August 20, 2012, located in the archive at left, or use keywords film or nature.) 

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

A Strange Encounter, Vol VII

Walking through Suburban Station, a woman standing with a stack of Metro newspapers shouted at me: I LOVE YOU!!! IT'S A BLESSING TO SEE YOU TODAY!!!

I ignored her and kept walking, and from behind comes: I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!!!

Monday, April 23, 2007

Insanity Is the Mother of Invention

I'm heading north on the New Jersey Turnpike yesterday afternoon. Traffic is stop-and-go between Exits 5 and 8A, where the highway mercifully doubles in lanes. Somewhere around Exit 7A, traffic turns bumper-to-bumper. I'm in the left lane, alternating between a dead stop and inching forward with the foot off the brake. Half a dozen cars in front of me, I see a kid in his late teens/early twenties dash across the emergency lane to the left and deftly leap up onto the concrete divider in the Turnpike's median. He stands atop the barrier for a moment, facing toward the southbound lanes, and then does a full reverse somersault, landing on his feet in the emergency lane, before scampering back to his car.

At first, I chided his foolish act. A dare? A PCP-fueled freakout? The latest "extreme" sport? No matter. Even though the pimply oaf performed his stunt without dashing his tiny brain all over turnpike blacktop, I chuckled contemptuously at his idiocy.

But after several moments of reflection, I applauded this young daredevil's act. Traffic jams are so draining; they can suck all the enjoyment out of a good day, ruining a pleasurable afternoon or killing the mood before its even begun. Yet here was a public performer entertaining throngs of frustrated, immobile travelers at no charge, coloring our lost moments with a memorable semi-suicidal act. If only more asphalt artistes would take to congested thorofares and ease motorists' pain with their roadside lunacy. Highway commissions would do well to employ concrete-barrier gymnasts, exit-ramp fan-dancers, and mile-marker comedians along traffic-prone routes. Road-rage incidents could be cut dramatically, and complacent state governments would finally be doing more than committing highway robbery with our tax dollars. Let's face it: in our overly crowded society, we Americans spend too much of our all-too-brief lives caught on choked roadways, cussing up a storm on the road to hypertension and peptic ulcers. It's time for the Department of Transportation to give us a brake.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

So I open a can of Coke...

...and tilt it to take a drink.

And I smell feet.

Foot odor on the can.

So basically, there's a big, fat, sweaty guy somewhere rubbing unopened cans of Coke on his feet before packaging them.

And if you're wondering...Yes. I finished the entire can. But I sure didn't like it.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Nothing like...

...having a waitress spill a beer on you!

"Next one is on me," she says.

I'm wondering if she's just saying that and if she'll forget or claim ignorance because the bar is packed and LOUD, and in that kind of atmosphere, you can't hold anyone to anything.

"How you guys doing?" she asks.

"I'll take THAT BEER now," I say—implying that she knows damned well what beer I'm talking about. The free one I've got coming to me. And lo and behold, I get a fresh, free beer placed on the table before me. It's mine and mine alone. A new frontier. And when the bill comes, it's minus 1 beer. The free one. The one I drank for free.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Coffee and Urination


A guy walked into the bathroom today with a coffee mug and set it down on the top of the urinal while he completed his transaction. Afterward, he took a sip as he headed to the sink. How long before someone brings in a Wawa hoagie, or a Japanese steakhouse sets up shop in one of the stalls?

(Image Copyright © 2007 Benihana Inc.)

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

An Odd Bathroom Encounter Vol. 34

So I'm at a sink, washing up, and a guy walks in. He approaches the sink, washes his hands, and THEN steps up to the urinal.

Washing BEFORE.

I decided not to hang around to see if he'd wash AFTER as well.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Great Craigslist Ad

"Dragon and String Theory Band - Perfect Side Project

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: xxxxxxxxxx

Are you a musician, maybe playing with a band but want to do something fun for a while? Do you long for the days of Dio. Do you want to only write music about Dragons, Mystical Lands, Time Travel, and possibly String Theory? We do. We are fed up with bands only sort of singing about dragons or alluding to dragons through metaphors. This is going to be an in your face band singing about Dragons from the highest mountain top. We don't care what you play, we probably already have two guitar players, and a synth player. But if you love dragons we won't discriminate we'll be a 12 person band if we have to, and I think the more people the better, that is the only way to really bring the power of the dragon to the stage. We want it to be over the top, we want to wear lots of velvet and leather, write some songs, record them, play some gigs, rock some balls off, and bring the power of the dragon back to the nation's capital."

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Dead Serious About Fittin' Shoes!

"In the late 1940's and early 1950's, the shoe-fitting x-ray unit was a common shoe store sales promotion device and nearly all stores had one. It was estimated that there were 10,000 of these devices in use. " - Museum of Questionable Medical Devices

Amazing. Thousands of little kids getting their feet blasted with x-rays just to see if the shoes momma was buying fit right. This thing had 3 viewing ports: one for the salesman, one for the person having his feet irradiated, and one for an interested spectator.

A Strange Bathroom Encounter

So I'm washing up after doing my thing, and another guy comes out of a stall and stands by the sink adjusting his belt. I look at him. He looks at me. Then he says, "I forgot to flush," and runs back into the stall...at which point I decide I've overstayed my welcome.