Insanity Is the Mother of Invention

I'm heading north on the New Jersey Turnpike yesterday afternoon. Traffic is stop-and-go between Exits 5 and 8A, where the highway mercifully doubles in lanes. Somewhere around Exit 7A, traffic turns bumper-to-bumper. I'm in the left lane, alternating between a dead stop and inching forward with the foot off the brake. Half a dozen cars in front of me, I see a kid in his late teens/early twenties dash across the emergency lane to the left and deftly leap up onto the concrete divider in the Turnpike's median. He stands atop the barrier for a moment, facing toward the southbound lanes, and then does a full reverse somersault, landing on his feet in the emergency lane, before scampering back to his car.

At first, I chided his foolish act. A dare? A PCP-fueled freakout? The latest "extreme" sport? No matter. Even though the pimply oaf performed his stunt without dashing his tiny brain all over turnpike blacktop, I chuckled contemptuously at his idiocy.

But after several moments of reflection, I applauded this young daredevil's act. Traffic jams are so draining; they can suck all the enjoyment out of a good day, ruining a pleasurable afternoon or killing the mood before its even begun. Yet here was a public performer entertaining throngs of frustrated, immobile travelers at no charge, coloring our lost moments with a memorable semi-suicidal act. If only more asphalt artistes would take to congested thorofares and ease motorists' pain with their roadside lunacy. Highway commissions would do well to employ concrete-barrier gymnasts, exit-ramp fan-dancers, and mile-marker comedians along traffic-prone routes. Road-rage incidents could be cut dramatically, and complacent state governments would finally be doing more than committing highway robbery with our tax dollars. Let's face it: in our overly crowded society, we Americans spend too much of our all-too-brief lives caught on choked roadways, cussing up a storm on the road to hypertension and peptic ulcers. It's time for the Department of Transportation to give us a brake.