Tuesday, February 6, 2007
My Last Meal on Death Row
It is well known that prisoners on death row are allowed to request whatever they wish for their "last meal" as a kind of consolation prize for the whole execution thing. But what if your final meal never ended? It's the loophole of a lifetime: 974,000 cheeseburgers. At 10 minutes a burger, this will take them 1,111.8721 years to finish. Well beyond their normal lifespans! As long you don't choke to death as you chuckle while eating and seeing the warden tapping his watch impatiently, you'll be sitting pretty.
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5 comments:
or ask for something impossible to make... like curried dodo eggs... or starfish nipple casserole... deep fried coelacanth.
Condemned individuals live a pretty good life. On top of a free meal of anything your incarcerated palate desires, you get a complimentary cigarette -- no small gesture considering how pricey they've become -- and they even comp you a blindfold, which is a nice amenity on particularly bright days.
Hell, I might live a lawful, upstanding life of eighty years and never receive a free cig or blindfold from anyone.
It's not such a bad way to go out...
I can just see Dave smiling and nodding his head and the guards scramble frantically to find "starfish nipple casserole".
The good thing about starfish nipples is that after they're removed by fishermen, who then sell the nipples to major seafood restaurants, they grow back anyway.
Everybody wins!
You'd figure that when they graduate culinary school, most chefs would try to get a job in a death-row kitchen. No one appreciates a chef's artistry quite like a man eating his last meal...
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